If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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