I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
