Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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