i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
