my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
