Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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