how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize