People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I got inside last night via doggy door
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
