Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
