We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
