what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
