there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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