I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
