There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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