Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
