where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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