mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
