So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
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This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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