she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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