I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
