Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
