I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
