Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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