Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
