yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
