just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
