Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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