she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
