nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
