i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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