He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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