i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
