there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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