My sheets look like a crime scene.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
