Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
