I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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