his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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