are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
