i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
