Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
