I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Floor bacon is actually really good
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
