Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
