4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
