Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
