I want to stick my p in your. b.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
