I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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