It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
