Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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