Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
