That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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