He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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