If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
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i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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