Only a mothe r could love this liver
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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