Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
