Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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