I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
