Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
