I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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