so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
