they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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