Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
