I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
