just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
