How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
