My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
