Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize