i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just want to make out with him forever
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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